In need of corrosives

I've noticed lately that I''m becoming obsessive compulsive about handwashing. This is directly related to my job, of course, where it is not uncommon to be splashed in the face with foot water and find someone's renegade toenail clippings under my shirt. (My friend Sarah once had a toenail clipping stick to her lips via gooey gloss.) Anyway...this is upsetting me because up untill now I have lived a carefree existence where germs are concerned. I have eaten french fries off the floor of my car, chewed abc gum, used my friend's tooth brush.....the list goes on, but you get the idea. My hands have been rendered permanently contaminated and I can barely muster the courage to wash my hair with them.

Today my germophobia progressed signifigantly further. I carried a towel around work with me and placed it on whatever flat surface I planned to sit on and when Sarah took a bite out of my lunch (remember the toenail), I lost my appetite and threw it in the garbage. Also the handwashing has gone up to the next level and Polmolive will no longer do. I'ts got to be Softscrub or an EPA germicide or I go into a frenzy. My daydreams, which once-upon-a-time evoked tropical beaches and handsome strangers, now conjure swimming pools of bleach or acid .

This means only one thing...I've got to finish school a.s.a.p and get a different job or you'll be seeing one extra person walking down Elmwood covered head to toe in white garbage bags.

alternatives

Found this site looking for a book Amazon did not have. Believe it. Will definitely be buying from again solely because it's prettier, and gives book hunting it's due reverence. (Also wanted to try out my new linking superpower)

8 days and sober

I'm finally out of the funk I've been in thanks to Paul Simon and some shopping over the weekend. I wasn't able to drink but did go to one of my local bars to celebrate with my friend LyndseyPants on passing her nursing boards. Not being able to truly partake in the festivities was a drag and by 2:oo in the morning I was ready to choke at least three people including my most recent ex-boyfriend who decided it was a neat idea to slow dance with his new girlfriend two feet from where I was standing. Whatever, loser. I made a shocking discovery though... In my travels I found a handful of items at Half and Half on Elmwood that I had just seen at the mall. Not a big deal in itself except that they were marked up 50% from what the mall was selling them for. Boys will not understand this... but us girls will pay the higher prices at a boutique for the simple fact that there is only a small # of each item being sold and therefor less of an oppurtunity for someone else to be wearing the same thing at a wedding (wink). In girl world there is little more satisfying than when a fellow female compliments your dress/shirt/shoes and asks where you got it...then when you tell them it's from an exclusive little boutique on Elmwood there is a moment of mutual understanding that she will probably not be able to get it. A strange form of competition, I know, but true nonetheless. This rule does not apply to one's own friends , of course. One-upping your friends is an affront to the system and knocks a few points off your total score.

FYI

Only posting lest anyone should think my enthusiam for my new little hobby has lost it's fervor. Have been in a shitty mood (grr, arg), and any postings in this state may threaten to put anyone reading in the same.
Imani has, in fact, gone to stay with her Dad for the summer. I dropped her off on Sunday after Allentown with her little suitcase and a couple of quarters in case she gets lost or needs to hightail it outa there. I must say that I miss being responsible for her more than I thought I would (What?!) and don't think I will make it the whole summer. Also, my doc put me on meds for a sinus infection and says drinking alcohol while on them will make me violently ill. I've decided to not test his expertise and will be abstaining for the next week or so.. But things aren't so bad...Britney Spears is on Dateline tonight with Matt Lauer...oh yummy goodness.

Family Medicine

(from a conversation held earlier today in my grandmother's kitchen regarding my aunt, who thank god has real doctors)


Gramma: "Something's wrong with Paula. She's always got a new pain... I think she's schitzerfrenic"

Mom: " Ma, that's not what what that is. She's a hypercondriact."

Gram: " Well, how come some days she's completely fine?"

Larry: "Sounds to me like she's a massive depressive....up and down all the time."

Just ....gross

The leader of the brass band(snore) that played at a wedding I went to last Saturday asked me to go to Vegas with him tonight. It's, uh, pretty hard to score after you've shown me pictures of your grand kids, buddy. On the upside, at least I know now there's an alternative to going hungry.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat, then simmer

Ahhh, my spawn has just left for a three day field trip to D.C. with her class. For the most part I am not a nail biting parent...("germs are actually good for your immune system, honey") and I view this break as my pass to live with reckless abandon for the next three days. This mostly means that I will eat Cheetos for dinner and sleep till noon. But everytime I send her off on one of these things, there are always those parents..teary eyed and wringing hands praying for their childs safety. They stand and watch the bus untill it's no longer visible as I skip across the parking lot eager to start doing nothing. And I think to myself, 'am I horrible, or just honest?'. Anyway, I have been awake since 4:30 a.m. so I'm feelin a little ornery. Much too early to be answering questions like " What if my Gatorade doesn't stay cold for the whole bus ride?!" Um...

To roll right along with my mean- spirited morning, I found the "letter of resignation" I wrote to my last employer right before I quit. I can't believe I almost gave this to him:

Dear Ron,
I'm sorry, but I can no longer work for you. I think you are too hard on your staff and I don't like the way you speak to any of us. Your arrogance is appalling. The money that I make is just not enough to put up with you.
Sincerely,
A.

P.S. I think you are a snapcase freak

air-brushed t-shirts and crab legs

The three most memorable moments from my family's "vacation" in Virginia Beach(ick):

#3- I succumbed to hokey contrived patriotism when my brothers ship, the S.S.Porter, returned home from deployment. I shed tears as it came into view on the horizon. Those Navy boys stood at attention along the perimeter of the ship in all their white clad glory while a D.J. played " I'm Proud to be an American" and "Born in the U.S.A." Who could resist?

#2-Some members of The Neptunes showed up at a small club we were at and bobbed their heads to their own music.(courtesy of the little brown-nosing d.j.) I waited in joyful hope with eyes on the door. Alas, Pharrell did not show up to join his friends.

and the #1 most memorable moment from Clifton Hill w/A Beach ...My super-fly mom got so drunk she puked!! I will probably/hopefully never again witness such a spectacle..

Yay Yeah

Just wanted to say YEAH! to Court who finally ditched her loser boyfriend Sneeve and is now dating a handsome well dressed young architect who lives in the city. Meanwhile, S. is appropriately miserable and I am very satisfied by this. Also a YEAH! to coming home from work and finding that my daughter delved into my dvd's and was on the 4th episode of the second season of Scrubs... and loving it.